


I Can Be The Subject (Of Your Dream)

by NorInEnglish (Nuts)



Series: Set Me Free [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (Not Nationals-Arc Compliant), Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, Getting Together, Graduation, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Training Camp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:54:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24308533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nuts/pseuds/NorInEnglish
Summary: Asking Akaashi if he’s thinking about kissing him quickly becomes a new hobby for Bokuto.Akaashi should have known he was dooming himself.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Series: Set Me Free [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1721908
Comments: 34
Kudos: 277





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just finished catching up with Haikyuu, so here's my treat to myself. 
> 
> The title comes from Troye Sivan's song BITE.
> 
> You don't really need to read the first part for this, but it still might be best. Enjoy.

Without big surprise, it quickly becomes a new hobby for Bokuto. Asking Akaashi if he’s thinking about kissing him. It’s like a deduction game. Nobody would have thought that Bokuto would be good at those, but he has a tendency of surprising people when they least expect it.

And Akaashi… Akaashi should have definitely known he was dooming himself.

*

At first, Bokuto waits for the situation to be familiar. So his questions usually take place in the locker room, when they practice after hours. The first few times, he just asks out of curiosity. His questions are sudden, like he had forgotten all about the kisses and he just remembered them when he walked into the empty room.

Akaashi wonders if it’s true.  _ He  _ doesn’t forget.  He can’t.  He thinks about it every time he’s in the  locker  room, every time he sees Bokuto and every time he fantasizes about kisses. His thoughts always take him back to that night and he can’t believe it truly happened.

Every time they kiss is like some sort of dream. Akaashi doesn’t want to wake up. Every time his lips are pressed against Bokuto’s, he feels so lucky his chest starts buzzing.

*

Now, Bokuto is a little more adventurous. He takes very deliberately his shirt off. (Sometimes he even rolls his shoulders, making his muscles shift under his skin. A feast for the eyes, really. And above all for Akaashi’s mind. For future references.)

Then he half-turns to Akaashi with a flirty grin (that he must try to copy from Kuroo, God forbid) and he asks, “Are you thinking of kissing now?”

Akaashi finds him more endearing than sexy, in those moments. But either way, yes, he really wants to kiss him. (And maybe make him blush until his ears are burning, until even his chest starts to look red.)

But, rather than to just say so, he decides that two can play that game for once.

He takes his t-shirt off, tilts his head a bit and feels very clever when he asks, “Don’t you?”

He laughs when Bokuto trips on his bag in his haste to reach him but then his mouth gets too busy.

*

They’ve gotten better at this. In many ways, Akaashi thinks kissing is similar to volleyball. Or at least, to the volleyball he is currently playing. Observing Bokuto and his reactions, learning how to  make them move together, how to  _ win. _

It seems a bit ridiculous to think there are wins in kissing, it’s true. But what Akaashi feels when Bokuto sighs contently against his lips, when he whines and  when  his mouth chases Akaashi’s, when his fingers wander behind Akaashi’s ears and on his neck, when Akaashi makes him blush and pant and smile – it’s  _ very close  _ to what he feels when they score the winning point  of a set .

“Crap,” Bokuto sighs against his lips every time the alarm on his phone rings to tell them to quit it. Akaashi is sometimes very tempted to ignore it and to stay there, kissing Bokuto for hours and letting his hands wander lower then they ever have before.

He never does, though. The very thought is never to make his stomach twist nervously. He’ll stick to kissing for now. But someday, someday if they keep kissing like this more and more often, he knows his mind won’t stop imagining further.

*

At some point, it becomes a daily ritual, and Akaashi feels restless on the weekend when they can’t kiss. He lies awake at night, and it’s what he thinks about before sleeping. Some people have their bedtime stories or music they listen to. Akaashi thinks about his day and then about fantasies to lull himself to sleep.

And more and more  often , it’s  just  mundane thoughts. He imagines Bokuto lying next to him, on his phone, checking some animal fun facts. And instead of sending Akaashi a text about it like he usually does, he just has to lean to the side and ask  _ Hey, hey, did you know about this?!  _ _ I _ _ t’s awesome!  _ His shoulder would be warm and comfortable and they would talk until unreasonable hours. Akaashi would rub his face into Bokuto’s neck because he’s feeling tired.

Or Akaashi would wake up with his limb all tangled up with Bokuto’s. He wouldn’t open his eyes just yet, even when he would feel awake and aware of his surroundings. No, he wouldn’t move, liking the weight of his two comforters on his legs, and the weight of Bokuto on his torso. He would savor the feeling of skin on skin and the warm vibrations of Bokuto’s snoring against his collarbone.

There would be no reason to get up, no class or practice or parent so they would just stay there. And Bokuto would wake up and start kissing the line of Akaashi’s shoulder.

“I bet you want kisses,” he would say in a voice warm and rough from sleep.

His hair would be down – because it never is and Akaashi wants to see. He wants to see Bokuto vulnerable and domestic and soft and sleepy. He gets embarrassed sometimes by how domestic his thoughts are. It might have been more reassuring for them to just be dirty thoughts. To only be about how Bokuto blushes and how he could gasp under Akaashi’s hands. And Akaashi thinks about this, obviously, but… But he wants simple things too. Simple things he doesn’t know how to ask for.

For now, he’ll stick to what they have. The volleyball, their lunch with the team, their study sessions, the animal pics and volleyball memes. And the kisses. He will never get enough kisses.


	2. Chapter 2

Akaashi supposes he’s been indulging Bokuto too much with all this. And Bokuto has started to take advantage of it.

(Well, the one he’s truly been indulging is himself, but he doesn’t really know if Bokuto fully realized it yet.)

“Come _oooon_ , Akaashi,” Bokuto whines, drawling Akaashi’s name like he often does.

They’re currently in Bokuto’s room, studying on a small table. They can’t really study together, as they’re not in the same grade and all, but they can study in the same room at least. Akaashi’s presence helps Bokuto staying focused and Bokuto is actually quite good at English, a subject Akaashi doesn’t excel at, so they both gain something from this arrangement.

They’ve only been studying for one hour and Bokuto is already trying to get out of it. He is always restless when he has to work on math. He shifts around, crunches his nose, plays with his pencil before he eventually slams his face on the table, grumbling incomprehensible words.

“You can move on with the history lesson, you know,” Akaashi says without looking up from his notebook.

“Can’t we just take a break?!”

“Not yet, Bokuto-san.”

Bokuto whines and comes next to Akaashi, bumping into his shoulder with his own. This is his favorite method to get attention. Akaashi ignores him. It’s a skill he developed after a long torturous afternoon last year, the first time he offered to study with Bokuto.

After a miraculous minute of silence, Bokuto puts his hand on the floor behind Akaashi and leans on this arm to press close. His face gets near Akaashi’s shoulder so his nose brushes Akaashi’s neck with the softest of touch.

“Don’t ignore me,” Bokuto whispers softly, trying a bit too hard to sound seductive.

Akaashi closes his eyes, not moving a muscle, waiting for Bokuto’s lips to kiss his neck. He knows it’s a distraction technique that Bokuto has been testing a few times now, and he’ll have to scold the third-year later. He can’t say anything right now, though. He tilts just barely his head to the side. Feeling Bokuto’s breath against his skin is making him shiver.

Bokuto laughs breathlessly.

“You’re thinking about kissing me now, aren’t you?” he asks, smugly.

Akaashi opens his eyes and turns his head to meet Bokuto’s unwavering gaze.

There are 4 options opened to him right now:

A) To kiss Bokuto right now and to forget everything about their homework. Akaashi can already picture himself pushing Bokuto down on the wooden floor of his room and making him regret having asked this question.

B) To tell Bokuto that he was more thinking of being kissed. Bokuto would blush. And maybe he would consider this as a challenge. That would be interesting to see, although Akaashi likes to be in control of things.

C) To promise kisses as a reward for the homework. That way, the work would be done and Bokuto would have a reason to wait.

And D) To push Bokuto away without any kisses being involved. To make him understand he can’t have his way this easily. It would be the more reasonable option.

Option D actually seems as much of a punishment for Bokuto than for Akaashi, though. C would be the wisest choice, but Akaashi is burning to get a kiss now and he doesn’t think he’ll be able to concentrate if he has to wait for it. And A… A would be too intense, for both of them. For now, anyway. (Akaashi might keep it in mind for later.)

So he puts his pencil down and leans back on his hand.

“Why don’t _you_ kiss me for a change?” he asks. 

Bokuto’s eyes darken as he inhales. He leans in to comply but Akaashi puts a hand between their mouths.

“Not on the lips,” he says.

There’s a beat of silence, the two boys looking in each other’s eyes above Akaashi’s hand. Bokuto seems to get what he means at last. Bokuto wraps his fingers around Akaashi’s wrist and pulls his hand away from in between them. The atmosphere is electric. Akaashi is holding his breath in anticipation. Then Bokuto gets close and starts kissing Akaashi’s neck slowly.

The kisses are light at first. Bokuto feels a bit hesitant about what to do, but then Akaashi sighs contently and it emboldens him. He starts sucking lightly on Akaashi’s skin and one of his hand finds his way under Akaashi’s shirt. Akaashi grips Bokuto’s forearm as he closes his eyes. He hears the sound of the table scrapping on the floor as Bokuto pushes it to make more room for himself. Then he sits on Akaashi’s crossed leg and changes sides for his kisses.

His hand wanders on the curve of the setter’s back and his mouth starts to open against his neck when he stills completely.

“Why did you stop,” Akaashi whispers without opening his eyes.

Bokuto leans back, just a little. “Did you hear that?” he asks.

“Hear what?”

They stay quiet for a second.

“I’M HOME!” a voice shout from downstairs, making both of them jump. “OOOH, NII-CHAN ARE YOU HOME WITH AKAASHI?!”

Bokuto jumps on his feet. His hand leaves Akaashi’s skin like he got burned.

“WE’RE STUDYING!!” he shouts back in a shaking voice.

“We’re really not,” Akaashi says, miserable.

Bokuto sends him a frustrated look. Like he just got blocked even though he had the best of tosses and he hates it.

The analogy is almost painful to Akaashi.

“BORING!!” Bokuto’s sister shouts. “I WANNA WATCH A MUSICAL. WATCH WITH ME!!”

Akaashi wants to die for a second. He likes Bokuto’s little sister, he really does – and she likes him too. She’s funny, easy to talk to and she likes to pick on her brother in a fond way, just like Akaashi. But she and Bokuto share an undying love for musicals and they both insist on Akaashi watching with them when he’s there. Akaashi feels guilty about resenting her existence now, because he likes spending time like this with Bokuto’s family, but he would have really appreciated it if she had not interrupted just now.

“Fuck,” Bokuto says, and yeah, that’s how Akaashi’s feels. His heart is barely starting to slow down and his neck feels a bit cold.

Bokuto runs a hand through his spiked hair. He picks up his Fukurodani jacket that he threw on his bed earlier and gives it to Akaashi without even a second thought.

“We better get downstairs. She’s never gonna let us study.”

‘ _Study,’_ Akaashi thinks dryly as he watches Bokuto open the door of his room to get out. _He’s really unbelievable._

*

They don’t get much homework done, in the end. But unfortunately, it’s not for the reason Akaashi had intended.


	3. Chapter 3

Akaashi closes the door of the gym with a tired sigh. The night was fun though. The three first years they trained with are already heading to their teams’ room, with Hinata and Lev arguing on the way and Tsukishima walking faster to distance them. They’re a funny bunch. 

“Well, that was surprisingly nice,” Kuroo says, clapping Bokuto on the back. “Now, I better go before my two-meter child wakes everyone in the room and makes Yaku mad. Night guys, see you tomorrow Nekoma’ll beat your asses.”

He ignores Bokuto's squeal of indignation and waves at them good night.

“Eeeeeeeh, why don’t I have children, Akaashi?!” Bokuto exclaims, then he scratches his head. “You think we could steal Hinata?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Bokuto-san.”

Akaashi shivers. He hates the feel of the sweat drying on his skin. And the baths are definitely closed at this hour, so he’ll have to wait tomorrow morning to wash up. He shivers again. The air feels cold now that he’s not running around anymore.

(It might be for the best though, that the baths are closed. He imagines a second Bokuto and him, alone in the baths. Completely naked and alone. That’s dangerous territory.)

“Here, take it,” Bokuto says, handing him his Fukurodani jacket. “I think you left yours in the room.”

Akaashi blinks. “Won’t you be cold, Bokuto-san?” he asks.

Bokuto laughs and wriggles his eyebrows. “I’m really hot, Akaashi!! Didn’t you notice?”

“I didn’t,” Akaashi says flatly, taking the jacket and putting it on. It’s just too long enough on the sleeves to still be comfortable. Akaashi is already used to how it fits on him.

Bokuto wraps an arm around Akaashi’s shoulders. “Liar,” he laughs.

Akaashi ignores him and starts walking back to their room. He wonders exactly how many times his captain offered him his jacket already. It seems strange to be so used to it when he has his own.

“Hey, Akaashi!!” Bokuto says, making them both stop.

“Be quiet, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi chides. “Most people are probably asleep.”

“Akaashi!!” Bokuto says, his voice barely quieter. “Don’t you know what time it is!!”

“No, my phone is in my bag. I left it in the room.”

“I don’t mean the time!!”

“You literally just said–”

Bokuto stops Akaashi by putting a hand against the wall just next to the second year’s head.

_ Kabe-don?  _ Akaashi asks himself.

“I don’t think it’ll feel right,” Bokuto says, scowling. His shirtsleeve rides up on his biceps distractingly.

“What won’t?” Akaashi asks.

“Spending all week without kissing after practice.”

Akaashi’s heart startles in his chest. It’s not that he had forgotten about the kisses. It’s just that he thinks about them a lot, whether they really make-out or not. He likes the routine they have, it’s true, but summer camp is a special week where they have other routines. Like during Golden week.

It never included kissing before.

But, well, can’t kissing be included in any routine?

No. Akaashi has to be the responsible one. “Bokuto-san, we’re in the middle of the hallway,” he reasons. “Our room is just a few meters away. Any of our teammates or of the  _ coaches  _ could arrive any minutes now.”

“Everyone already went to sleep!!” Bokuto protests, pouting.

“They won’t stay asleep if you keep being so loud,” Akaashi chides.

“More reasons to kiss then.”

Bokuto’s eyes shine. The ‘ _ Make me shut up’  _ is as audible as if it was spoken. The ace’s lips are smiling and so tempting. He’s so close, Akaashi would just need to tilt his head to kiss him, just like he wants to.

“Oh, good, you’re considering it, aren’t you?”

The self-satisfaction in Bokuto’s voice is what makes Akaashi grab his neck and pull him close. It’s not that he can’t resist a challenge, like so many other volleyball players here. It’s just a confident Bokuto is a very attractive Bokuto. And here, when he says,  _ good, I like you’re thinking about kissing me,  _ in a quiet and satisfied voice, Akaashi just wants to hear him speak forever.

Well, he might want to kiss him more than hearing him, though.

After a full minute, Akaashi leans his back against the wall and breathes. Bokuto steps in to press their forehead together. He stays quiet. Those moments are so rare and Akaashi closes his eyes to savor it. He could fall asleep like this. He doesn’t want to move, even if the wall isn’t very comfortable. And the room is so close but –

“We better get going,” Akaashi says. “And make sure not to wake up anyone. You know how Konoha-san gets when you wake him up.”

“I know, I know.”

Bokuto steps back and walks to Fukurodani’s room like he didn’t just kiss his setter where anybody could have seen. Akaashi makes a note in his head to avoid this situation for the next days. He knows he’ll just want to follow the flow and that’s a bit dangerous.

If he starts kissing Bokuto without care for his surroundings, where is he going to stop?


	4. Chapter 4

Bokuto whines about it so much Akaashi ends up accepting to go. It’s the last day of a week of exams and Bokuto did surprisingly well on his math – or so he says. He’s been ranting about a ramen restaurant he read about online for days now and today he says they have to go there to reward his hard work. 

“Why didn’t the others agree to go with you?” Akaashi asks.

He is exhausted. He doesn’t like the afterward of exams – he actually dislikes it more than the exams itself. The stress is still coursing through his veins and his habits and sleep schedule are all messed up. He’s not really hungry right now. He would just like to curl up in his bed and to take a well-deserved nap.

“What? I haven’t asked them. I only wanted to go with you.”

Akaashi turns his head to Bokuto, a fuzzy and warm feeling curling in his chest. Bokuto is still walking happily, unaware of exactly what he just said and of the impact it had on his setter. He does that a lot – saying important things without meaning to, without even trying. Those are just facts for him. He wants to spend time with Akaashi. Some jokes are only funny if he tells them to Akaashi. Some movies are only worth watching or are better if he watches them with Akaashi.

And it’s not like he doesn’t tell jokes or share pictures of owls with the other members of the team or with Kuroo. But some things, some things he keeps for Akaashi only.

It makes butterflies flutter in Akaashi’s chest.

“Are we there soon?” the setter asks then. “I don’t want to be home too late.”

“Don’t worry, Akaashi!!” Bokuto says with a slap on the other boy’s back. “It’s just around the corner.”

Akaashi wonders how he knows that. “I thought you never ate there.”

“I haven’t!!”

_ Then how do you know where it is from memory? _ Bokuto doesn’t have his phone in his hand to look at the map app, and yet he seems to know exactly where he is going. It looks like he came to check the road beforehand. Why would he do that and when did he find the time? 

But before Akaashi has the chance to ask him, they turn at the street corner and the ramen shop is there.

“See? I didn’t lie!!”

“Yes, Bokuto-san.”

They enter and sit quickly at a table. Bokuto starts talking about his exams and the cat he saw yesterday that looked just like Kenma. Their order comes in quickly. They break their wooden chopsticks. Akaashi blows on his bowl.

“Be careful, Bokuto-san, it looks really–”

“Oow!!”

_ Too late. _ Bokuto already tried to shove noodles into his mouth and inevitably burnt his tongue.

Akaashi sighs. _ Why do I even try? _

Bokuto lets his tongue out, whining about how it hurts and how it’s going to stay brunt for days.

“Bokuto-san, you _know_ how sensitive your tongue is,” Akaashi says, feeling so tired while automatically handing Bokuto a glass of water. 

“But Akaashi!! Ramen!!”

Bokuto is clearly annoyed but, with his tongue stuck out like that, he looks so ridiculous and adorable. Akaashi must be very tired because he can’t completely chock the chuckle that comes tickling his throat.

“Pff.”

Bokuto raises his eyes to him, looking betrayed. “Akaashi!! Don’t laugh!!”

Akaashi bursts out laughing for an instant. After that, he can’t keep from smiling fondly. Bokuto protests and drinks, then protests again, whining about how mean Akaashi can be sometimes. Akaashi looks at Bokuto, cherishing the warmth in his chest.

He can picture himself standing up, bending to grab his captain’s chin in one hand and kissing him above the table. The thought is almost right out of a manga, but it might be nice to be able to do that. It would be so easy and it would feel so nice. Kissing Bokuto might even cure Akaashi’s fatigue. He would sigh against those familiar lips and he would kiss him again just because he can.

Bokuto seems to melt under that gaze. He stares back, his mouth slightly open, forgetting his ramen entirely. It’s starting to make Akaashi self-conscious. He picks his chopsticks up and starts to eat again. He can’t keep himself from stealing glances at his captain, though.

“Bokuto-san, did your brain freeze?” he asks after a few minutes, starting to get worried.

Bokuto blinks at him. He presses the back of his hand against his mouth and blushes like crazy but he doesn’t advert his gaze.

“Akaashi...” He stops to clear his throat. “By chance… did you think about kissing me just now?”

Akaashi chokes on his noodles.

“Bokuto-san, here is not the place–”

“But you did!!” the third year says with wondering disbelief. “You totally did!!”

Akaashi opens his mouth but what can he answer to that? It’s like he is  _ wrong _ .

“Wow,” Bokuto continues, “you really think about kissing me all the time.”

The second-year closes his eyes and wishes he hadn’t woken up this morning. He wishes he had gotten straight to home after his exam. Bokuto seriously doesn’t know how to keep things to himself. And the worst part is, he’s not even joking or making comment about his ego. If he was, Akaashi could glare at him or retort something. But no, he’s so serious Akaashi could die of embarrassment.

A second passes in heavy silence, then Bokuto smiles, as blinding as the sun.

“I don’t mind, though!!” he says happily. “Think of me all you want. Actually, think of me all the time!!”

Akaashi can breathe again. Bokuto is back to normal.

“That’s impossible, Bokuto-san. I need to think of other things too.”

“Eeeeeh~ Not cool.”

They continue to talk and eat in a comfortable atmosphere, the strange moment between them almost forgotten.

In the end, Akaashi is glad he came.

*

When they leave, Bokuto insists on paying.

“Come on, Akaashi. Let your amazing senpai treat you sometimes!! And besides, I’m the one who insisted on dragging you here when you weren’t even hungry.”

Oh, so he is aware of it, but he still does it. He would deserve to treat him lunch a hundred times just to make up for that. But Akaashi still won’t let him.

“If you pay it feels too much like–” he stops.

_ Like a date, _ he thinks, frozen on the spot.  _ That’s what he feels like. _

“Hm?” Bokuto tilts his head to the side.

Akaashi shakes his head, incapable of saying anything at the moment, and lets him pay. His head is buzzing with thoughts of ramen, kisses, Bokuto and dates. Before today, he would never have thought that all those ideas could be compatible. But they strangely are. They are.


	5. Chapter 5

The final ball slams on the floor. Akaashi watches it roll, in a daze. His ears are ringing so much he barely hears the whistle announcing the end of the game. He doesn’t see the point count, nor the opponents, nor the net. He only the ball, that rolls on the orange floor.

They lost.

His eyes fly automatically to Bokuto and everything stops once more.

This. This just now was the last time he tossed to Bokuto in an official game. He can still feel it tickling in his fingers. He tossed to Bokuto, to the Ace.

And they got blocked.

It’s over. Everything is over.

*

Akaashi feels his eyes burn and then there are tears in the corner of his field of vision. He tries to push the frustration down. He hates feeling like this, he hates not being able to control his emotion. They’ve gotten this far already, they played with all they got, and they played  _ well _ too.

But it wasn’t enough.

He pushes the frustration down, but the sadness stubbornly stays.

“Bokuto-san...”

Bokuto doesn’t turn to him. He goes to the net to shake their opponents’ hands, his shoulders pushed back. He doesn’t say a word, he walks to the bleachers and bows in thanks to their supporters, his face unreadable.

The coach talks to them after, he thanks them for their effort and dedication during this year, during this nationals, during this game. He talks about legacy and next year. Akaashi doesn’t remember a word of it. He can’t take his eyes and his mind off Bokuto.

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi tries again when the coaches send them to the locker-room. Bokuto ignores him, ignores everybody, seemingly to buried in his own head. Akaashi doesn’t really know how to soothe him when he’s feeling so shocked himself.

Konoha bumps lightly into his shoulder to catch his attention.

“Hey,” he says, his voice barely a whisper. “I feel kinda bad to spring this on you right now but… I think you’re the only one who can reach him right now. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I hate that he’s so quiet.”

He sends a look toward Bokuto. Akaashi follows his gaze without meaning to. His heart twist from what he sees. Bokuto is looking down and his face is a wall. He just walks like it’s automatic.

“We’re gonna treat the kouhais dinner,” Konoha continues. “I’ll send you the address. You two meet us when you’re ready. Is it OK with you?”

Akaashi nods. He doesn’t trust himself to speak.

*

Slowly, the locker-room empties itself in silence. Bokuto’s quiet weights on everyone. The first years seem sad but also nervous. The third years give Akaashi supportive nods when they exit.

Akaashi drapes himself in his Fukurodani jacket before taking a deep breath to calm his inner turmoil. He feels cold, and sad, and he wants this moment to be over already. He wants to be at home, in his bed, and to bury his thoughts into his fantasy.

But, like every day, he pushes that wish away. There are things he needs to do right now. And he’s going to do them.

Then, when he thinks he’s as ready as he will ever be, he walks to the bench Bokuto is sitting on.

Akaashi slowly puts his arm around Bokuto’s shoulder as he sits next to him, imitating the gesture he always finds comforts in. He feels the wing spiker’s body shaking, as if Bokuto is crying. There are no sounds to prove that, but his face is down so Akaashi can’t really see if there are tears.

“Bokuto-san,” he says quietly.

Bokuto shakes his head.

“Look at me please.”

The laugh that comes out of his captain is a wrecked unhappy sound that makes something tightening in Akaashi’s chest. It’s so painful to hear.

“What,” Bokuto says, and there’s something almost cruel in his voice. “Why would you want to see my lame face?”

The laugh comes back. Bokuto shakes Akaashi’s arm off.

“What, do you wanna kiss me right now?” he sneers.

Akaashi takes a shaking breath. There’s a painful sting in his eyes. He resists the urge to cry, once again. It’s too much for one day, but he doesn’t have the time to dwell on that. He knows Bokuto is not being intentionally cruel to him. He’s rather being cruel to himself.

It still hurts, though. It hurts enough to make Akaashi want to leave the room, it hurts enough to make him want to run away, to go home and to never leave his bed again.

But Akaashi needs to be stronger than this now. That’s who he is. He stays strong and collected in all situations and Bokuto relies on him for that. Bokuto needs him, now more than ever.

This moment and how it unfolds is going to be something important to them. Akaashi doesn’t want to regret it. No matter what Bokuto says or does, no matter how much it hurts, Akaashi has to keep going. Calm and collected. Making lists. Stating facts.

“Yes,” he says firmly, even if it’s difficult. “Yes, I want to kiss you right now, Bokuto-san.”

Bokuto scoffs.

“You might find this hard to believe,” Akaashi continues and he knows his voice is hard, he wants it to be soft but he can’t, he can’t, “but what I feel for you doesn’t fade away when we’re not playing, when we’re not _winning_.”

He feels a lump in his throat but he keeps speaking. Those things… they need to be said. And if he doesn’t say them now, then he fears he never will. It’s not how he wanted to say them either, not with Bokuto like this, like a ticking bomb, but he can’t do it any other way right now.

“Bokuto-san, I–I still wanna be with you even when you think you don’t deserve it. I want to be with you, and I want to kiss you, yes, all the time. Aren’t you the one who said that? And it’s killing me that–”

His voice breaks but Bokuto finally,  _ finally _ , turns his head towards him. His big golden eyes are at least now more surprised and worried than sad and cold. It’s not really comforting, but Akaashi will consider it as an improvement for now.

“It’s killing me that we might not play volleyball together anymore. But–but our relationship is not only about volleyball, is it?”

They never talked about the changes in their dynamic since they started kissing. They never talked about  _ dating,  _ but Akaashi realizes now he wants them to be dating. (Aren’t they dating already, even? They kiss all the time. They go to each other’s place. They’re comfortable with each other’s family. They  _ go  _ on dates. Or on what  _ should be  _ dates. _ ) _

Bokuto is frozen in place for a second and then poof! His face blushes all over. He puts the back of his hand against his lips and averts his gaze.

“Akaashi, I–I don’t–” he stammers.

“Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

“ _Yes,_ but–Akaashi, you can’t seriously think about… about _dating me_. I’m–I don’t deserve you Akaashi!! I’m just–”

Akaashi catches the hand Bokuto throws around in frustration, grips it tight and tries to contain the anger flaring in his guts. This, at least, is familiar. Dealing with Bokuto’s bullshit.

“What is that supposed to mean?!” he asks angrily. “We lost that game together, you know. As a team. And if you’re referring to who you are outside of the court, I believe I already made myself clear.”

With his other hand, Akaashi grabs Bokuto’s chin a bit forcefully and turns it to kiss his mouth. The angle is not the best since they’re sitting next to each other but it serves to make his point across.

“And what the hell, Bokuto-san?” he says, a bit calmer. “You’re good enough to kiss, and to sleep with me and do all those other things, but not to date me? Take your responsibilities.”

Bokuto lets a nervous chuckle out. His eyes are shining with tears. He quickly rubs them to hide that fact.

“I don’t want to stop playing with you, Akaashi.” His voice breaks wetly.

“Bokuto-san, even if there are no more official games, we can still–”

“No, you don’t get it. I’m scared.” He clings to Akaashi. “I’m scared about what will happen when we’ll stop playing. I’m scared of college. I’m scared about changes, I don’t–I hate the idea of being far away, of not seeing you every day, of not seeing the team. It’s too sad, I’m sad, but I can’t–I have to be– I’m not–”

_ Oh.  _ Akaashi’s chest tightens. For the first time, Bokuto is the one who sees things in the long run. He’s not making sense anymore but Akaashi understands. Everything Bokuto said resonates inside him. He puts his arms around Bokuto and pulls him into a hug.

“I know,” he says in a strained voice. “I know. I feel it too. I’m scared that you’ll inevitably leave me behind.”

“I could never do that! Akaashi!” Bokuto shouts into his shoulder. He leans back to show his frown and Akaashi can’t help but laugh softly, even if his chest still hurts a bit. Some of the tightness is gone, though.

“I guess so,” the second year says with a smile.

Bokuto kisses him then, without much of a warning. Akaashi closes his eyes and savors it.

“Who wants to kiss who now, hum?” he says when it’s over.

“You’re just too cool, Akaashi. I can’t believe you would ever want to kiss me.”

Akaashi tugs on Bokuto’s hair, like he usually does when Bokuto starts saying something of the sort.

They stay like this for a minute, in a rare comfortable silence until Bokuto speaks: “I’m really not a good captain. I didn’t even thank everyone for the game.”

“Well, it’s not too late for that. You might want to whip your nose first, though. You’re not very cool looking right now.”

“Akaashi! Why didn’t you tell me sooner!”


	6. Chapter 6

Bokuto seems to savor every practice, even though there are no more official games to look forward to. All the third years do, but it’s a surprise from Bokuto. He doesn’t have any emo-mode at all. He seems strangely at peace since their last game.

Akaashi spends a lot of time watching him. (Yes, he was already doing that before, but he spends  _ more _ time doing it now. He didn’t think it was possible either.)

He wants to drink in the sight of his captain, of his ace, of his first love.

“Set to me, Akaashi!”

Akaashi pushes the ball then watches Bokuto jump in the air, somehow slow and floating. He observes the posture of his arm, the way his shirt and his shorts ride up with the motion. And there, the shorts unveil a tiny piece of skin, just above Bokuto’s knee-pad.

The sound of the ball on the ground doesn’t even phase Akaashi.

“Out!” Onaga says from the other side of the net.

Bokuto lets a ‘tch’ sound out and turns to prepare himself for Konoha’s serve. His eyes meet Akaashi’s for a second. Something passes on his face, then he  _ smirks _ , surprising Akaashi.

He walks to his spot in the rotation and then he kind of  _ bends _ so his shorts ride up just to show a bit of skin from the back of his thighs.

_ Did he just–?  _ Akaashi feels a heat rush to his face and chest. 

It takes him all of his will to concentrate on the serve. As soon as the ball crosses to their side he moves to the net. There at least, he doesn’t have to watch Bokuto’s back.

They recover the ball and Akaashi set to Washio, not wanting to humor Bokuto. The ball does not go as smoothly as Akaashi intended, even if Washio managed to push it on the other side.

“What’s wrong, Akaashi?” Bokuto says. “Something on your mind?”

His voice seems genuinely concerned but his grin and the mocking light dancing in his eyes say otherwise. When did he become so good at keeping from just laughing every time he thinks of a joke or a prank?

Akaashi glares at him and ignores his question. Bokuto does laugh at that, loud and happy. The setter can’t even be really mad at him, not when his laugh puts a soft warmth in his chest.

He should probably be worried about how much he allows Bokuto to get away with, even more than before. But– well. He feels that Bokuto is the one letting him get away with… all this.

*

“Hey, hey, Akaashi. Back there. You really looked like–”

“Don’t say it, Bokuto-san. Just–don’t.”

Bokuto laughs out loud and wraps his arm around Akaashi’s shoulder. Akaashi isn’t quite sure he succeeded at hiding his smile.

“Well, I don’t blame you! My thighs are _to die for!_ ”

Akaashi arches an eyebrow. So, Bokuto knows exactly what he does, huh? Maybe Akaashi should chide him a bit for making him feel embarrassed during practice.

“Have you seen Karasuno’s captain, though?”

Bokuto stops walking for a second, frowning at the mention of Sawamura, not understanding yet what Akaashi means, and then he gets it.

“HEY!!” he shouts with outrage.

Akaashi chuckles.

“NO, SERIOUSLY!! MY THIGHS ARE BETTER THAN HIS!!”

“Really?” Akaashi says flatly.

Bokuto sends him a mischievous look. (It’s not as sexy as it sounds. It actually makes Akaashi think of the meme of a frog saying ‘eh’ Bokuto sent him two days ago.)

“Maybe I could prove it to you next time,” Bokuto says. “But then I bet you’ll want more than kisses.”

Akaashi’s mouth gets dry. His mind conjures images of Bokuto, straddling him, with his knee-pads on.  _ Only _ his knee-pads. 

Akaashi might combust, despite the cold air of the evening.

“Oh, oh? You look like you’re imagining something fun~” Bokuto singsongs.

Akaashi is too uncomfortable to do anything more than pushing his face away.


	7. Chapter 7

Akaashi looks at the trees for a moment. With every blow of the wind, new petals of the sakura flowers start to fall. The sun filters between the branches. It would make a pretty picture. He can’t look elsewhere. If he lets his eyes wander now, he’ll be overwhelmed by the reality of this day.

He never thought he would one day resent spring. But he does right now. He wishes he would have stayed in his bed this morning. But like every time the thought crosses his mind, he pushes it away and faces the day as usual.

This day isn’t usual, though.

“Ah, here they come,” Suzumeda says.

Akaashi turns inevitably his head toward the entry of the gym where the Ceremony took place. The third years of the club are walking toward them, laughing happily and pushing each other around. They spot Onaga’s tall head in the crowd of friends and parents.

“Ah, our most loyal kouhais,” Konoha says.

“Here to celebrate with us,” Komi continues.

“And to tell us how we are the best senpais they ever had,” Sarukui finishes, lining on the libero’s shoulder.

“You guys are hopeless,” Shirofuku scolds, coming from behind, but she has a smile on her lips.

“Senpais! Congratulation!” Suzumeda exclaims.

Something twits in Akaashi’s chest.

“Where is Bokuto-san?” he asks.

Konoha gasps, holding the back of his hand to his forehead. “How mean, Akaashi! You only have eyes for the Captain.”

Sarukui pushes him. “You only say that because that girl didn’t ask to talk to _you_.”

Akaashi struggles to swallow. He feels like he wants to throw-up even though he didn’t eat anything.

 _Stop_ , he thinks when he notices himself twisting his fingers. _It’s probably a classmate. Or a captain from a girls sports club. Or an underclassman who found something he lost. It’s most likely not a confession._

People at Fukurodani only found Bokuto cool on the volleyball court anyway. Akaashi feels a bit guilty about thinking this but, well, it _was_ true. 

“He’s over there,” says Washio.

Akaashi is walking before he can even process what the tall third-year said. He stops and turns around. “Congratulation on your graduation,” he tells his senpais with a bow. “I was very grateful to play with you all.”

He looks at them all to commit the sight to memory. He hopes it’s not the last time he sees all of them together.

Konoha smiles. It’s not mocking, as it usually is. It’s softer. Komi laughs.

“Don’t be so formal, Akaashi! I feel like we’re going to war!” he says.

“Shoo, shoo,” gesture Sarukui. “Go find our dumb owl man, now.”

“And good luck!” Konoha adds, an amused sparkle in his eyes. Normally, Akaashi would take those words as a cheer for next year, his third year and his year as a captain of their team. But that sparkle suggests he is referring to something else. Akaashi doesn’t know what it is about, but he doesn’t have the time nor the energy to wonder about it. He has to find his captain.

(Bokuto isn’t his captain anymore, but Akaashi can’t stop thinking of him as such. Bokuto. His Captain. There is so much emotional weight to this simple word.)

*

Bokuto is standing there, talking indeed to a girl with a ponytail Akaashi is unfamiliar with. Not another club captain, then. Not a girl from his class either. Akaashi has spent enough lunchtime in Bokuto’s classroom to recognize his classmates.

Nothing about this situation should bother him. Except Bokuto is waving his arms around and blushing, clearly flustered. Akaashi can’t really see this girl’s face, but she has a hand in front of her mouth. Something tightens in Akaashi’s chest and in his eyes. Again.

He stops a moment to breathe. _It’s not a confession,_ he tells himself firmly. _And even if it was, it wouldn’t change anything. It’s not what’s changing everything today._

He inhales sharply. That was not the best route of thinking. But it’s not in his habits to run away from his problems. When he faces an obstacle, he works his way around it with logic. He lists the possibilities and uses the best solution. He does _not_ cry in public because the best year of his life is over or because Bokuto is going to meet new people and leave him behind.

Akaashi breathes out slowly and stops twisting his fingers. Bokuto leaving him behind is not an option. He won’t let it be. _They_ won’t let it be.

He sees Bokuto sighing dramatically of relief and finishes walking to him. He hears the girl’s laugh and thinks, _it’s a beautiful laugh_. Bokuto smiles, big and bright, like only he knows how.

“Well, I hope to see you often next year, then!!”

Akaashi clears his throat. Bokuto startles.

“Akaashi!! What are you doing here?!”

The setter raises a brow. Did Bokuto not want him to be here? Why? Akaashi turns to the girl who looks at them both, with an amused giggle.

“Damn, this is embarrassing,” Bokuto whines.

“This is actually hilarious, now the shock has passed. My best friend says I never give enough context when I talk. Sorry about that. I think your volleyball skills are amazing but– well. I’m sure plenty of girls want to date you, you don’t have to worry about that. But don’t look so scared when someone confesses to you for real. I’ll leave you two be now. Good luck for next year. And you too, Akaashi.”

She waves at them and leaves before Akaashi can ask her how she knows his name. It doesn’t matter anyway.

“Why are you embarrassed, Bokuto-san?” he asks flatly. _And what did she mean ‘when someone confesses to you for real?’_

Bokuto clicks his tongue and pulls a strand of his hair, frustrated.

“I wanted to look cool when you’d see me today!” he whines.

Akaashi wants to mock him, but he does look cool. His hair is done with care, his shirt doesn’t have too many wrinkles on it, his sleeves are rolled up – showing his forearms – and he might smell of the aftershave Akaashi likes. Plus, a warmth replaces the uneasiness in his chest at the idea that Bokuto thought of him when he dressed up for today and during the Ceremony. He decides to let the subject of the girl go and smile a little.

“Congratulation, Bokuto-san,” he says, a bit breathless.

Bokuto lets his hand fall from his head. His golden eyes are serious and beautiful.

“Thank you, Akaashi,” he says softly, in a moment that lasts forever.

Akaashi wants to kiss him. He wants to kiss him and to never part his lips from his. He wants to hug him and never let go. He wants to see him every day, for morning practice, and lunch, and afternoon practice. He wants them to go home together and then he wants the silly texts and unreasonable phone calls.

He won’t be able to have that, after today.

Akaashi breaks the eye-contact because his eyes sting again. He wants to hug Bokuto, but he can’t even do that either, not with all these people around, chatting happily and taking pictures.

Bokuto doesn’t care, though. He grabs Akaashi, pulls him in and holds him tight during longs minutes. It’s too long, they must look awkward, but Akaashi can’t step back. It doesn’t matter anyway. Anyone watching would brush it off as Bokuto being his usual extravagant and emotional self. So Akaashi can close his eyes and forget the world and the reason why he needed the comfort.

“I have something for you, actually,” Bokuto says, leaning back but keeping an arm around Akaashi’s shoulder. The gesture is familiar and incredibly comforting.

“Something for me?”

With his free hand, Bokuto takes something in his pocket. He pushes his fist against Akaashi’s hand until the setter turns his palm upward. Bokuto presses a small round object into it.

“A button?” Akaashi says.

Bokuto beams. His face is still close, so close to Akaashi. The second year’s thoughts are still a bit dazed. He doesn’t really understand why Bokuto would be so happy to give him a simple button.

Unless…

“Is this your second button?” Akaashi asks.

“Yeah!! I kept it for you!!”

“Bokuto-san, we don’t wear gakuran.”

Predictably, Bokuto pouts. “It doesn’t matter!!” he shouts. “It’s the one the closest to my heart and I want you to have it!!”

How can he say those things so easily, Akaashi wonders. His heart can’t get used to it.

He puts the button into in pocket. “Your second button is not the one closest to your heart. But,” he adds when Bokuto opens his mouth to complain, “I’ll treasure it all the same, thanks.”

“Why do you tease me all the time, uh?” Bokuto says with a fake whine. “I really wanted you to want to kiss me now.”

Akaashi chokes on a laugh. “But I do,” he says with a soft smile.

“Yeah, how could you resist me?” Bokuto says with a flirty smile. He even wiggles his eyebrows.

Akaashi doesn’t know what he wants to do more: kiss him or pull his hair for being silly.

“Koutarou! There you are!”

They both turn toward Bokuto’s mother, who is walking fast toward them, a camera around her neck. Akaashi takes a step to put some distance between him and his captain (it seems only decent, now that they have company) but the arm around his shoulders pulls him back, keeping him close.

“Oh, Akaashi-kun, you’re here too. I should have expected it. How have you been?”

Akaashi bows as much as Bokuto’s arm will allow him – which is not much.

“Hello, Emu-san,” he greets politely. “I am well, thank you.”

“Mom!!” Bokuto says. “You’re late!!”

“Oh, quiet Koutarou. I couldn’t find the camera.”

Bokuto’s mom scratches her head and Akaashi thinks for the millionth time they are both so similar, even if Bokuto takes more after his father physically.

“Now, you have your diploma. Where did you put it?! Did you lose it already?!”

“Noooooo, Mom. It’s just there. Look.” Bokuto picks the diploma in its case that was laying next to his bag and he waves it for his mother to see.

“Right, right,” she says. “Let’s take those pictures then. Then let’s go eat lunch with your dad and your sister.”

“Then I’ll–” Akaashi starts to walk out of the picture.

“What are you talking about, Akaashi-kun,” Emu says with a perplex look, her head tilted to the side like a bird. “Why wouldn’t you be the picture.”

This statement is so heartwarming. Akaashi twists his finders a bit nervously. The Bokuto family taking so easily for granted his place by Bokuto’s side still amazes him every time. He likes it. He likes it so much.

“Come on, Akaashi,” his captain says, “make your prettiest smile!!”

And the smile comes so easily too. Akaashi pushes his sadness away for tomorrow. Today, he is with Bokuto and he is happy.

*

“So,” Sarukui says, wiggling his eyebrows. “What happened with the girl?”

“Bokuto-san got rejected.”

“Akaashi!! That’s not true!! Don’t make fun of me for thinking she wanted to confess when she didn’t!!”

*

After taking a _lot_ of pictures with everyone, Bokuto’s mom invites Akaashi to come eat lunch with them. She won’t let Akaashi refuse, like always.

In the late afternoon, Bokuto parts with his family to walk Akaashi home. He sets a slow pace that is very unlike him. He must not want this day to end either.

Akaashi puts a hand in his pocket to keep himself from twisting his fingers. He is surprised to feel the button he put there earlier.

“What are you thinking about?” Bokuto asks in a rare soft and quiet voice.

Akaashi looks at him. Bokuto is smiling, his head slightly tilted with curiosity. He asks this question often, now that he knows how Akaashi’s mind likes to wander. Not that Akaashi always indulges him – it would be way too embarrassing. But sometimes, sometimes the reward of sharing his thoughts is worth it.

“Everything will be different tomorrow, isn’t it,” he says without looking at Bokuto.

The ace catches his elbow. “Hey, hey. Don’t be sad, Akaashi.”

 _I’m not,_ he wants to say. That would be a lie.

“Aren’t you sad?” he challenges instead.

Bokuto lets his fingers travel down to Akaashi’s hand. He turns it and starts rubbing circles into his setter’s palm. After a second, his eyes fly back to Akaashi’s. He smiles, soft and beautiful, and Akaashi is in love.

“Well, a bit,” he admits. “High school is over. And I liked high school. I met the team, I became the ace, I went to Nationals so many times, and I met you.”

He lets their hands down between them, but he doesn’t let go. He intertwines their fingers. It makes Akaashi’s heart beat faster. They’re in the street near Akaashi’s place. People at school know about Bokuto’s tactile nature. They might discard the gesture. But here...Akaashi should care about what people think. He doesn’t. He only cares about what Bokuto is saying, clinging desperately to his every word.

“But you and I… We’re not only about volleyball and high school, are we?”

Akaashi meets Bokuto’s eyes. He nods, remembering his own words in that locker-room at Nationals.

“I’m not scared and sad anymore, because I know it’s not the end of us.”

Akaashi’s other hand grabs the jacket of Bokuto’s uniform. It’s the last time he sees him wearing it. ( _Stop. Stop thinking about this. It’s not the last time you see Bokuto-san. Don’t act like it is.)_

Akaashi is not used to be scared of change. But maybe he never had something he didn’t want to lose before.

Bokuto kisses his forehead, then pushes their heads together.

“You’re someone so strong, Akaashi. I know you’ll be fine. I trust you. I love you.”

Akaashi chuckles wetly. He would never have thought he would be the one needing reassurance.

“I really want to kiss you right now.”

Bokuto laughs, big and bright. “Yeah, I hope you’ll never stop wanting to kiss me,” he says.

Akaashi loves him. So much.

He can’t put it into words, but he hopes Bokuto knows.

Akashi tiptoes and kisses briefly his captain on the mouth, right here in the middle of the street. The kiss barely lasted a second but it’s enough to make Bokuto’s face explode with a blush. He puts a hand in front of his gaping mouth. “Akaashi!!” he shouts. “You’re shameless!!”

“That’s rich coming from you, Bokuto-san.”

“Hey!!”

*

Akaashi should have known he was dooming himself. But if he can kiss Bokuto as much as he can from now on, he doesn’t really mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to come chat with me on Tumblr @oracledivin


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